This story really bothers me deep in my soul.. It’s not the fact that he is a fellow African American, such as myself, but just that he was an innocent child who did nothing but walk to the convenience store to by candy for the NBA All Star game.. nowhere in that is suspicious. From the very beginning of this story, George Zimmerman is a guilty man and should be arrested.. Evidence is everywhere. It just baffles me how a man can get away with murder. Of a 17 year old boy. 17. There was so much he hadn’t even experienced, and now can’t experience because of this man. The police clearly told Zimmerman NOT to approach the “suspicious” character, but he did anyway. I highly doubt that Trayvon attacked Zimmerman first. Highly. As a neighborhood watch volunteer, you call the police and leave it at that. You don’t go and do the police’s job. From what I’ve read, Zimmerman has made a plethora of calls to 911 talking about suspicious black males. Only black males. If that doesn’t scream racism, I don’t know what does. His parents are trying to defend him saying that he is Latino so there’s no way he could be racist. That blows me. Racism is within every race. Not just between white and black. You can be Asian and still be racist. Anyways. While listening to the 911 calls from when Trayvon was getting attacked, I felt so hurt. You can hear this poor boy screaming for help. I could feel the fear in his voice in my heart. He was so scared. I just feel like as many people there was that called the police could have went outside and helped this boy. But everyone’s too worried about themselves. This could have been prevented and Trayvon could be here to tell his story himself. I know for a fact that I would have tried to alter Zimmerman’s attention so that he wouldn’t have shot Trayvon. I don’t know what I would have done, but I would have done something. I just feel for his family and for his girlfriend as well, since she was the last one to speak with him before he passed. I don’t know.. This has just been on my mind for a few days and I am just so hurt for this boy and his family. All we can do is pray that God brings peace over their hearts and allow them to accept the fact that Trayvon is at home with our heavenly Father.
I am not happy.. I am genuinely not happy and I have a problem with this.. I haven’t cried so much in I don’t know how long. When one thing seems to go wrong, it feels like everything else just goes right along with it. I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m exaggerating but I don’t know. I’m just hurting so bad right now. Cus of other people, cus of myself and my emotions. I wish it would all just stop and I wish I could go back to my sophomore year where I know I was genuinely and truly happy.. I didn’t have a care in the world. I know that other people have worse issues than I do but fuck man my issues are taking a gigantic toll on my life right now. I’m not happy at this fuck ass school, I don’t wanna be in this stupid ass state.. i don’t wanna be around these gotdamn people. I just wanna be at home.. in Denver but I can’t. I can’t do that. And that is tearing me apart in every single way. Shit with my dad is tearing me apart. Bitches fuckin up my relationship with someone I love like fuck fuck fuck. Why does this shit have to happen? Why can’t people let me be happy for once. Why can’t I allow myself to see past the bullshit and just let myself be happy. But when there’s so much bullshit thrown your way, you can’t avoid it. You just can’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no faith in anything.. I have no hope. It feels like it has all just left me. I don’t wanna be in school, I have no motivation. My heart is hurtin man. I’m dyin on the inside and my outer appearance at this moment can show you that I am not okay. I front so much, I put on this front like I’m just the happiest person cus that’s how people know me to be, but this shit is hard. I can’t do it anymore. I sit outside at night by the track just crying. Almost every night. Crying. For what? What is crying going to solve. Not shit, and it just makes me feel worse.. For everyone who wants to see me fail, well shit. You’re in the lead now. Those who don’t wanna see me happy, here you go. You win. I’m not happy. Are you proud? shit.
Looking back at the old cute texts and feeling the same feeling I felt when I first read it seems like the only way to make myself believe things will be okay.
My roommate and her mother are becoming some people that I’m not quite fond of. Before starting Christmas break, she was the last one to leave the room. She didn’t take out none of the trash that was sitting in the kitchen. So, when I came back, the whole apartment was stinking so bad. I don’t give a fuck if its not your trash, be courteous and take that shit out. Its not that hard. I cleaned the kitchen so many times even when I wasn’t the one who messed it up simply because I don’t want to have some company and people coming in our residence and saying that we’re filthy. Her shit is all in the fridge, she had trash galore. So what’s the problem? She doesn’t do shit. She’s filthy. So she’s moving in now, and her mom’s cleaning the bathroom. She’s gonna tell her mom its not her who dirties up the bathroom.. Oh so you’re just gonna blame that shit on me? I’m the only one who uses the bathroom right? Okay. She irritates me so much because she acts like she don’t have to do shit but for herself but wanna be the first one to complain when shit is dirty. Bitch get the fuck. I’m not taking no bullshit this semester, believe that.
I am so happy with how things are going right now. I love my babe. He means so much to me and I know that everything between us is so real. I used to doubt us for some reason but now I have very little to no doubts about us at all. I really thank God for him every day, cus before him, all hope was lost. I didn’t think that I was gonna fall for anybody else after my last cus I was so hurt. I didn’t think I would find somebody who would put a genuine smile on my face.
“Its one of those things and its real hard to explain but its real and fills your heart. And hearts just don’t lie. You will know real love cus nothing feels like it and it touches things inside. Its a real experience.” - Ginuwine
And he is so right.
Man.. things aren’t the same anymore. I mean we’re still loving one another, but every time we talk on the phone, I swear its no longer than 10 minutes.. we don’t even text hardly. :( that makes me sad. But I still have faith and I always will.
The last day of 2011 has really been sucky.. I dont even want to go into detail about what happened cus honestly, its all stupid as fuck. I’m just really sad right now.. and I could cry but I’m not.. I just hate feeling like this.. like I’m helpless and theres nothing that can make me happy. To top it off, I’m spending new years eve alone.. idk. I’m just real sad right now..
He was sleeping on the phone and woke up out of nowhere and said “Babe, I love you.”
That made my night. :))
So I guess since I have a lot to say, I must type it out since thats what I do best lol.. But my boy.. my babe. He is so sweet to me. I just cant believe it. Its gonna take me some time to get used to cus a guy has never treated me as well as he does. I mean like around this time, the guy would usually get bored and start treating me like shit lol.. but not DJ. I mean yeah hes had his moments where he’d go MIA but he always came back.. and they were logical reasons as to why he went MIA. It sucks that we’re doing this long distance thing.. its hard but its not impossible. I love that boy and I can truly say that. I’m not in love I dont think, but I love him. The happy feeling he gives me is unlike anything I have ever felt before. He expresses his feelings for me every day, and hes not ashamed of anything that he says. Not that putting your feelings out on the internet is important to me, but he even shows me love over twitter and all that. No guy has done that. You know how you would be talking to a guy, and he would pillow talk you through texts and stuff but when it came to the public he treated you like a friend? yeah.. DJ doesnt do that. People know about us lol I love that feeling. I mean we do have a lot of haters though. Smh.. But I got me a good man and nobody can tell me otherwise. Yes, his past consists of things I dont necessarily wanna go into detail about but.. hes an amazing man. I am just so happy. Like very happy. My search is over. :)
Sooo I just watched Jumping the Broom for the first time and I loved it lol.. I know I’m a little late but whatever.. I love how the story concept though. I wouldnt say that it reminds me much about my life cus I am nowhere near ready to get married and whatnot lol. But the fact that she prayed and asked God to send her somebody.. well I did the exact same and I got DJ.. I dont know if what him and I have is gonna last forever or not but I sure pray that it does. I never had a guy express to me his feelings to me as much as he does. And I’m not used to it. But every time he does it, I feel so happy. I feel a different kind of happy with him.. I love it. :}
Me: Hello?
Him: What ya doin?
Me: Listening to music, you?
Him: Lovin you.
:))))))) that just made my day!
I love the fact that he says I love you every time we get off the phone.. every time. No matter if hes around his boys, at home with his family, or by himself.. He always says it. :)
Okay, so. Here I am.. again. You know when you’re in a relationship or talking to somebody on a serious level, theres always that phase you guys go through that tests the waters, so to speak, and the strength of your relationship? Well, thats something I’m going through at this moment and it sucks. Going from talking on the phone to somebody all day every day to not talking to them at all is not an easy transition nor a transition that anyone wants to experience. You find yourself thinking of them way more often than you should, and they’re always in the back of your mind, fighting their way to the front. Liking people can be so difficult. Its hard to decipher whether you’re in deep like or if you’re in love. Lol. I dont care what anyone says, it is so easy to fall in love with someone in just a couple of months if all you do is talk to them, be around them, etc. It is so easy. And the thing about this here with this guy… I feel a different type of happy when I hear his voice or when I think of him. I feel.. I dont even know, I cant even explain it. You can really tell when someone is serious about you cus you can actually feel it. I cant begin to even give you a mere description on how the two types of happy differ. I dont know, this week has just been all over the place… I just miss him so much lol. And I really want things to go back to how they were cus he means a lot to me. Even in this short amount of time.. he means a lot.
I hate how someones words can easily overpower someones thoughts and influence them to believe something that is unlikely. I would never do anything bad to my family or the ones who have been there and I claim as family. Which is not very many people, only two. Just cus a certain situation happened between me and someone else, of which I admitted my wrongdoing, doesnt mean I will do that to my family.. And I hate when people subtweet, like if you’re really about what you say, MENTION ME. Tell me what the fuck is up, and I’ll let you know what the deal is. Its your choice to believe me or not but fuck it. I’m in a bad mood.
I hate to get ignored.. especially when I know I didnt do anything. I hope I didnt do anything.. I didnt do anything that I know of lol. Maybe hes just tired of other people and dont wanna talk to anyone at the moment.. Its coo. I’ll give him his space and let him come to me. Sigh. I really like this boy. Here I am in this phase again lol. But somethings a little different about him.. I dont know though. I shall see I guess.
P.S. I hate when I try to listen to my streampad playlist and that shit fucks up..
